Have you ever found yourself staring into the void? Surrounded by wonderful, beautiful things, the ones that make you smile, but somehow it all seems so heavy? When instead of going inside the house, you sit in your car in silence because you don't feel like moving? And before you go and ask, “Ariana, are you depressed?” Let me tell you, I am far from that!
Sometimes things feel burdensome.
And here's the thing: I love to talk, and the Lord dropped a few extra drops of the "gift of gab" on me. And yet, I find that sometimes I clamp up tighter than a corset from the 1800’s, keeping the inner thoughts and monologues to myself. Sound familiar?
You know, it's interesting because as I recognized that heavy feeling, I started internally digging within myself to figure out what seemed to be the culprit. Some of it is personal, things I'm having to walk out with the Lord, some of it is just the normal day-to-day things, some of it is the weight that ministry brings, some the weight of being a wife, and some just the weight of being human in its purest form.
At that moment I began to pep talk myself, “Ariana, come on girl, snap out of it.” But then the Holy Spirit quickly jumped into my conversation and reminded me that it's okay to feel heavy because He can handle the weight of it. Sometimes it's not as simple as telling yourself to "snap out of it". Sometimes it's having to work through things with the Lord, sometimes it's having to learn a lesson in that heavy place. The Holy Spirit was quick to tell me that maybe part of the heaviness I'm feeling is because I have refused to let go of some things that He's been asking me to lay down, that part of the problem is ME. How rude of me! And yet how true. How many things are weighing you down, things that you so desperately want to put down, but that you're holding onto far too tightly?
I think back to last fall, which to be honest isn't much of a fall season here in Texas! But hey, it tries for at least a few weeks, so I won’t complain! But here’s the thing, I was born and raised in New England, where the fall was magnificent every single year! So, I often revert to my fall days in my little hometown in Maine. The way the air smelled and how crisp it was, the vast array of breathtaking colors as the leaves turned from green into a symphony of fire tones. There is nothing quite like a New England fall y’all.
But as the fall begins to end, the colors soon begin to fade, and the leaves wither away and gently begin to drift toward the ground for their annual shedding. The limbs on the trees are left bare and naked, though still beautiful in their way, making room for the purest of snow to cover them in a blanket of white until spring awakens. Friends, maybe we should follow suit and be like the trees. Maybe we should let the beautiful things have their moment of being seen and admired, but when it's time for things to go, we allow them to fall from us with minimal effort. Maybe the trees have known all along that the secret for new things to come forth, is to let go of the beautiful things they had, because seasons are ever-shifting, and they don't all look the same.
I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (ESV), For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
Hear me out; it's perfectly okay if you are in a heavy season. Why? Because it is a time to learn! It's learning to well...be a tree. Learn that it's okay to hold onto things for a little while, but when it's time, and the winds of change start blowing, allow those things that you're holding on to so tightly to float off of you down towards the ground. The Lord told us that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light, so won’t you allow Him the honor of making what's heavy light?
Allow Him to bring you to a place where new things can be birthed, where dreams are awakened, and maybe what you're holding onto will come back in the spring with a refreshing newness, wild, and free to thrive in that warm summer sun. Sometimes, it's just not in season, and we can't hold onto something that isn't in season because it can't thrive when it's not the right time. I want my season to be in His timing, not my own.
Isaiah 40:28-31 (ESV) says, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
I leave you with this. I read a quote by William Blake from The Letters in 1799 that said, "Though a tree grows so high, the falling leaves return to the root." So, though it may be heavy now, learn from the leaves, learn to let go, and fall to the roots, our source of life. I know I will. Are you ready to be renewed?