“Lord, the one you love is sick.” When he heard this Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death, No, it’s for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Jesus loved Martha and her sister Mary and Lazarus. Yet, when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. John 11:3-6 NIV.
I don’t know about you, but this scripture has always been so hard for me to digest. Though I have lived and died and…. lived again through it many times in my twenty-seven years of walking this journey of faith with the Lord, I can honestly say it has not gotten any easier but the reward is so great. I have just accepted that this is the way of the Lord and the way to resurrection life. I have learned through His Holy Spirit how to endure the struggle, overcome the disappointment, and press through the pain and brokenness just to surrender to the death of myself that I might experience Jesus’s true resurrection life.
The life that Jesus died for and purchased for me, he wants me to experience now here on earth. Not a perfect life void of trouble, but a life filled with heart-ravishing love, unspeakable joy, unwavering hope and a peace such as the world will never understand. And guess what, He wants you to experience this same life here and now. There is just one prerequisite, death and the grave. It’s the only path that leads to resurrection life. Now, don’t turn the page! Stay with me! Because I promise this ends well.
In this scripture, there is one word that triggers me and it's the simple word “yet”. Other definitions would be, “in spite of”, “nevertheless”, and “regardless.” Jesus had full knowledge of what was happening in Bethany, but he did not come. I often wonder what Martha, Mary, and especially Lazarus’ thoughts were about Jesus’ delay. I wonder what questions filled Martha and Mary’s hearts when they saw their brother take what they thought would be his last breath. Was it fear? Abandonment? Confusion? Sorrow? Anger? All of them?
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at His feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. John 11:32-33
“Lord if you had been here.” Like Mary, this was an accusation against the Lord that I struggled with in the beginning of my walk with Him. You see, when the Lord found me back in September 1997, I was a lost, broken, angry, selfish, and lonely nineteen-year-old kid who had just come through a life filled with major losses. As a child I was heavily exposed to domestic violence, as well as being sexually abused from the ages of four to ten. As a teenager I was a victim of rape, as well as incurring a debilitating injury to my body that would have a lasting effect for 30 years. But the greatest loss in my life was the death of my mother at seventeen years-old that caused a rift in my family which resulted in me being abandoned by them.
The heartbreak of my mother's death led me down a path of destruction, where my life spiraled into a chaotic mess of debauchery. Rebellion had become my name and partying, drinking, and promiscuity were my friends to numb my pain. My childhood was hijacked, my innocence was taken, my womanhood was stripped, my physical strength was robbed, my home and security were ransacked and the only love I had known had died. My life had become a plethora of raw wounds and they were painful to the touch when Jesus found me. So yes, I could understand the pain in Mary’s question to the Lord. “Lord, if you had been here, I would not have suffered the way that I did. Why did you wait so long?” My answer would take some time to unfold.
“‘Where have you laid him” he asked. “Come and see Lord”, they replied. Jesus wept.” John 11:34-35
I have learned on this journey with him that we have to be willing to show Jesus where we have laid the dead parts of our life. It is not that he does not know where they are but rather it's our surrender and willingness to involve Him in the process of our healing that he desires. God will never impose himself and force us to do anything we are not willing to do. Remember, we are co-laborers with Him and he waits patiently for our cooperation so he can begin His work in our lives. He feels our pain deeply and desires to remedy it but too often we feel the need to conceal the graveyards within our hearts out of fear or even pride. We’d rather keep them buried than have to painfully look upon them. Jesus cannot heal what we are not willing to reveal. This is something that has troubled me in the body of Christ.
I too often see many of God's children needlessly suffering because they have yet to take this step of faith with Him. It has become easier to believe in the outward blessing (money, jobs, career, house, cars etc.) than being inwardly delivered and set free. I often say that in the beginning of my walk, I was so clueless and had no idea what I was doing, so I read, I prayed, I listened, and I obeyed. When the Holy Spirit wanted to take the scenic route of my heart, I warned Him it would not be pretty but I also allowed him because at this point what else did I have to lose? Except my own life, which wasn’t much of a life at all anyway. I gave Him free reign and with every venture through my heart he always led me to a gravesite where something in me had died. I had become accustomed to this way of life with him and David’s Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me oh Lord and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting” had become the melody of my life. It’s a song that has been on repeat since the beginning.
Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone.” He said. “But Lord,” said Martha the sister of the deadman, “by this time there is a bad odor for he has been there four days.” Then Jesus said, “ Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. John 11:38-41
I find that every time we are offered the possibility of a new life, we often hesitate out of fear; fear of failure, disappointment, embarrassment and ridicule. Here was Jesus, Life and Resurrection itself staring at her in the face and her concern was the stench that would come from removing the stone. Let’s face it, the process of experiencing new life often stinks! We have to be willing to face these things and the decaying parts of our hearts to experience new life and growth. We all have a choice to allow the Lord to remove the stone of fear, anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness that calloused our hearts and to reveal what is inside. Will you be brave enough to allow him to remove the stone and reveal the dead parts of your heart?
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father,I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” John 41-44
I’ll never forget the day I heard the Lord's voice for the first time calling me out of the death that had become my life. At the time, I had nowhere to live until I met two girls at a club that offered to let me crash in their spare bedroom, so I took it. I had no choice. All other doors were closed. One evening after work, I came home, grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat on the recliner hoping to relax, but soon after my roommates came home. They sat on the couch and proceeded to shoot up crack cocaine. I was not one for hard drugs but the temptation that evening was great. I was dying and dead at that point and wanted nothing more than to quickly numb my pain.
“Here Jenn, take a shot!”, my roommate offered. I sat there contemplating the choice in front of me. I instinctively knew that if I gave in, there would be no coming back from it. In that moment, as I was about to answer her, my ears popped and I heard a voice that brought a holy fear and comfort all at once. I heard the voice call my name “JENNIFER, STOP! GET OUT NOW! COME TO ME NOW!” An instant holy fear gripped my heart and I ran to my room, called my boyfriend and asked him to come over. I spent the rest of that night trembling in fear. I was wrecked and ruined from that day forward. When you hear the voice of your Father, the one that created you, knew you before the foundations of the world, formed you in your mother's womb you can’t help but respond.
My life drastically changed in a matter of days. I left the only life I knew and started on this journey with Him. The journey has not been easy but it has been worth it all. With every gravesite visited and every stone rolled away, Jesus has resurrected my life in more ways than I could ever count. He has restored everything that I ever thought I lost. He has restored love, joy, hope and peace to my life. He has given me identity and purpose to live and die for him. At the beginning of this article I asked “Why did he take so long?” I truly believe that there were two reasons. The first was that He would get the glory for my life and anybody that knew me before would know that it was God who changed me and the second reason, was for you!
I wholeheartedly believe that if you are reading this, God has ordained it. Maybe, you feel the way I felt. Maybe, there are circumstances and situations in your life that you don’t understand why they happened the way they did. Maybe, like me you grew hopeless, fearful, lonely, thinking that there was no other way of life. Maybe there are areas in your life that God is calling you to and asking you to show him where the dead parts of your life are.
Maybe you know where your graves are but yet you haven’t had the courage to remove the stones that have blocked true life from entering. If that is you, you are not alone. I encourage you to be brave today! Our lives can sometimes resemble a valley of dry bones as explained in Ezekiel 37, but your story does not have to end in that Death Valley! Let God do the impossible and put the broken pieces of your life back together and breathe new life into you! He can and he’s willing!
Today he is calling out your name and asking you to come out from the grave of your past! Come out of the pain and disappointment and allow Him to give you a new lease on life! I think of Lazarus and the days after his resurrection, he probably cared less about the minor things in life since he was experiencing a new life. Jesus took off his grave clothes and gave him a new wardrobe of life, love, joy, hope and peace. I hope you have the courage today to respond to His calling like Lazarus, and to face the gravesites of your life like I did and countless others, so you too can live the life that Jesus had always destined for you!